Uncertainty
I couldn't really figure out what the exact word for April should be, so I'm guessing 'uncertainty' is quite apt.
The phrase, "I have no idea what I'm doing", has been a recurring theme this month. It's been the beginning of a new project - @100 Days of Trying It Once, which is both, exciting and exhausting, scary yet liberating. It's where I try something new every day for 100 days...and it's beginning to feel like a bit of a lifetime.
For those who aren't familiar with the 100 Day Project, it began with Michael Beirut, a graphic designer and educator at Yale. In 2006, he gave his students a unique assignment and the idea was to choose an action / activity and repeat it every day for 100 days.
The project has grown and evolved over the years with Elle Luna bringing it to Instagram. These two are my absolute favourite:
Since 100 Days of Trying it Once, I have gotten my nose pierced, adopted a meerkat, tried sashimi, said yes to (almost) everything and today, I'll go pole dancing! Are these planned? Some yes, most no. Do I know what the hell I'm doing? Fuck no. There are days where I want to cop out, I want to make up some excuse for why this isn't working or just say, "life got in the way." But I can't shake this one.
In the past month, I have questioned my ability & place as a creative, a writer, a co-worker, a friend, a partner, a daughter and a woman. Am I standing up for the right things? Am I really good at this? What if I get called out? Am I a fraud? Am I too quick too judge? Will I ever be enough? Is it just me???
I know the answer to the last one is a BIG FAT "NO."
Apparently we're all fucking clueless (thanks Ari), our lives have no meaning or purpose (it's starting to get a bit bleak isn't it) but we get to define those things. We get to give meaning and find our purpose.
And we get to keep going.
No one knows what they're doing (repeat that about 10 times and feel a weight lift off your shoulders). We're all learning, failing, loving, losing and trying to figure out if we will ever design a button that allows us to "turn it off and on again" so life will somehow at sometime, maybe just fucking work out.
I don't know where this article will go, if it'll resonate or offer a new perspective but who gives a shit. Do it anyway. Write it anyway. When you have no clue but there's something in your bones that tell you you need to it, just fucking listen already. It doesn't matter where you're going or how soon you'll get there.
You just can't be standing still.
