The Blurry Road Ahead

Right now, it feels like I’m behind the wheel and all that’s ahead of me is pouring rain. For someone who doesn’t even drive, it seems pretty fucking scary.

I’m stuck behind the glass, body pressed against the steering wheel, eyes squinting, trying to catch a glimpse of what’s ahead before I hit it. The thing is, I’m glad to finally be on the road, finally be moving towards the direction my heart has always taken me - if you can’t tell by now, this is all a metaphor for being directionless and afraid in life. 

Anyway, eyes on the road.

All I can see is the storm. So, as much as I’m excited to finally be moving towards something that’s worth it, it all seems a little unclear. There’s plenty I need to navigate through - turnoffs, traffic, delays and everyone else on this road. Please be kind and don’t honk at me to speed up.

Because I’d like to go slow. With my racing, pulsing heart, my mind is reigning it back and saying, “slow the fuck down!”

So tonight, I sit with my partner, Mark and I tell him how I feel about all of this. I tell it through the car-road-journey metaphor and all he says is, “Stop looking ahead. Maybe just pullover, close your eyes and listen to the rain. Smell it and feel the wind against your skin. It’s all part of the journey.” (Totally paraphrased to sound nicer but thanks magic Mark, ily)

So now, with my still beating, pulsing, racing heart, I’m pulling over, breathing in. I’m closing my eyes, listening to the rain and the other cars past me by. It’s alright, I’m in no hurry to get there. 

It’s all part of the journey.

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cover image by Mark Araujo