Boundaries
This is where you end
and where I begin.
I've started seeing a therapist again and up until about a month ago, the idea of having boundaries was foreign to me (wait, you mean I could say 'no' to others all this time??). For anyone who's grown up in a culture where your self-worth is tied to 'doing', you probably struggle with the idea just as much. It's no surprise if it's ingrained in us that love = me showing up, me doing that thing, me offering help, offering my body, my time, my anything just so I could feel validated and grasp at some crumb of affection. It's fucked up.
We give so much of ourselves away, it's easy to forget who we are. This month was all about rediscovering that. Having boundaries is a tough practice because it's so easy to feel guilty about choosing yourself. Plus, after years of being the 'nice' friend, partner, child, colleague - you've suddenly developed some form of self-respect and the ability to say no, which often comes as a shock to others. People will tell you you've changed, that you're no longer the person they knew way back then. To that I say, "well, thank fuck."
Thank fuck I've changed, thank fuck I've learned to stop others from using me, thank fuck I can have difficult conversations about what I need and what I don't deserve, how I'd like to be physically approached, what's appropriate and what's not. Thank fuck I have a voice and I'm finally using it, thank fuck I can teach you how to treat me because I've finally learned how to treat myself.
Thank fuck for boundaries and if anyone has a problem with it, I'd be more than happy to repeat myself: